What to do when you can’t find love- A Valentine’s Day note to S

I John 4:16- And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love and he who abides in love, abides in God and God in Him

Dear S,

Here’s a belated happy new year wish and happy Valentine’s Day. I am so sorry I haven’t gotten in touch since last Christmas because I have been reorganizing, recuperating and trying to reset. Last year was pretty bad with the pandemic which it now beginning to take its toll on the economy. I still don’t know what Nigeria will do about the vaccinations because we simply do not have the facilities for storage. All the same God is faithful.

It’s Valentine’s Day today and I know how bad you usually feel today. You are forty seven years old and have never been married and don’t have any children, Everywhere you look today is a reminder of how lonely you are. There will be no cards, chocolate or flowers for you. You are stuck at home with nowhere to go because of the pandemic and no one to spend the day with even if there was no pandemic.

Your married friends tell you how difficult their relationships are and how hard it is with their teenagers as if to say that will make you feel better. You find this very ridiculous as any relationship is better than no relationship. You don’t believe me when I say I understand because I am married so how can I possible understand. You have stopped returning our calls because you cannot stand to hear the pity in our voices.

S, it’s better to be happy and single rather than unhappy and single. Either way you are still single and it’s the state of mind that makes the difference. It may or may never happen but you can choose to be happy. You can choose to whine, hug your pillow and cry but that doesn’t make any difference. After the pity party you will still be single and even more depressed. So why not choose God.

You say you want love in human form expressed in a touch, a hug, warm arms around you. This need is legitimate and can be overwhelming particularly on some lonely nights. On such night you toss and turn and stay awake all night. The loneliness leaves a permanent ache in your heart. S what can you do, when this is not available? I tell you about God’s love and you agree mentally but want to see someone’s head on the pillow beside yours. You say you want the physical connection, something real and yours.

S, there is nothing as tangible as real as the love of God in Christ Jesus. Love came in human form. God is love and love is God. I cannot teach you or help you understand the depth of His love for you. Paul says it is beyond human comprehension in Eph 3:19. He prays in Eph 3:17 that you will be able to know this love and be rooted and grounded in it. Paul was persuaded in Romans 8: 39, that nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ which is in Christ Jesus. I pray the Holy Spirit will minister to you today, Valentine’s Day.

I know it’s not easy but choose Christ. Choose His love. Everyday with Him will be your very own Valentines Day. He sees, He knows, He cares. There is so much I want to write S but I hope you understand me. When you can connect with God’s love then you will be able to reach out to others who need His love in this loveless and pandemic ridden world.

Lots of love from Me.



  • Ndifreke ziza senewo

    Thank you so much for reminding us of the love of the father that is deeper and sweeter than all supposing love.

    • The Designer Women Hub

      Ziza, thanks so much for the feedback. We do need to remind ourselves all the time. 😍


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